During the French trip last year that coincided with Ramadan, I learned that Bara Mbengue, my French teacher, was Muslim. Every day, he woke up at 4:30 to eat a bit before the sun came out, and to pray. Then, he would fast until sunset. And I just wondered: what is the source of such dedication and perseverance?
Mbengue’s faith began during his childhood in Senegal. He learned Arabic at around four and soon started reading the Qur’an. His parents were believers, as was everybody where he grew up. They prayed five times a day, celebrated the Islamic festivals, and during the Feast of Sacrifice, they sacrificed sheep. “That’s a way of life,” says Mbengue. He was raised in the Sufi tradition, the spiritual, mystical, and esoteric dimension of Islam. In Sufism, your relationship with God is direct, and it matters more than the specifics of practices and deeds. Therefore, faith is deeply personal.
Mbengue’s relationship to God developed in a long struggle where questioning fused with faith. As a young adult, reading Imam Ghazali’s philosophy, encountering other Islamic traditions, he challenged the practices and theories he grew up with. When the different interpretations consolidated, he realized the complexity of Islam. Thus, he awakened to a direct relationship to God without the intermediary of a marabout (religious guide of a Sufi community). But he continued to ask himself: Does God exist? If so, why does the world today seem to increasingly fall into disarray? … Now, he tells us, “As a believer, I think it’s important to have those moments to question.” The process of questioning is actually a form of spiritual conversation. Oftentimes, it is not the answers but the relationship we cultivate with God that matters. “[I see] myself as someone who is never accomplished but who is a work in progress,” says Mbengue. He feels at home with Sufism, because it allows and even pushes for constant questioning, learning, and evolving.
“Sometimes God communicates with me, although in a way that’s very mystical and strange,” says Mbengue. At times, he feels a voice that leads him to do the right thing, which he attributes to the guidance of God. “For me, I believe that God will always intervene at the right moment at the right place,” he says. Faith has supported Mbengue through rough patches in life. Going to university in the United States, he was swamped by a complicated foreignness. He missed the people and food from home. School was hard and English wasn’t his native language. In those times, faith was all he could rely on for guidance and for the reassurance that he would be alright.
I asked if there was a moment where he felt particularly assured after doubt, where he felt: that’s the reason I’m believing. And he answered, “It happens every day, every morning I wake up. When I come out of the shower and pray, I express my gratitude to God for the life that I have [...] a peaceful life, a life where I can make decisions for myself, be with my family, and have conversations with people every day, a life where I can come to class and see the brightness in my students… for me all these moments are confirmations of the existence of God.”
When planning his classes, Mbengue always asks himself: What can I do today so that, when my students are in a position to make a difference, they can think kindly and constructively to shape a better world? This is one of the many ways he integrates the guidance of spirituality in daily life. At a broader level, it also guides him on the meaning of life. “It is to be as good as you can, as kind as you can, as spiritual as you can, and as helpful as you can to other people, and to seek knowledge,” says Mbengue. That is how he strives to live every day.