Below is the first rendition of The Leek, a monthly column that will hopefully recur in future issues. Last year, as I became less and less of a new, excited freshman and more of a sorrowful, busy ninth grader, I began to write my Centipede articles with perhaps less vigor than the editors may have hoped. Each month, I selected the dumbest article idea on the sign-up sheet and wrote it in such a way that were I a reader, I’d probably think I was trying to take the Centipede down from the inside. This column will hopefully remedy that issue: here, I’ll write about whatever, however, and likely satirically. Please let me know if it’s painfully bad, and I’ll stop immediately.

Pingree School will be hosting a fun run on Thanksgiving weekend, the school has announced. The race, which charges a fee of ten dollars per runner, is dedicated to fundraising for a local Concord charity. The entire affair will be planned and hosted by Pingree’s athletic community, which is their entire community.

The idea came to the Pingree students after they lifted the Chander Bowl for the first time in six years on October 21st. “We wanted to give a helping hand in honor of Thanksgiving,” one person said, referring to the fact that proceeds for the run will be donated to CA’s athletic department. “A light jog is the least we can do,” another added. The route will be eighty miles. Stretching from Barnstead, New Hampshire to Concord, Massachusetts, it was designed as a loose imitation of the migration of Concord Academy’s chapel from its original location nearly seventy years ago. “We think that after such a grim loss, it would be a kind gesture to essentially bring the heart back to the CA community,” reported a member of Pingree’s Olympic-caliber spokesperson team when asked about the unique route.

There are several aspects of the eighty-mile fun run that defy the traditional rules of a race. For example, in the case of clear skies and a withstandable temperature, Pingree has declared that under no circumstances will the race be allowed to take place. Further, the administration will be digging various trenches along the course for racers to navigate. “The hope is [the trenches] will mimic the conditions of our home turf,” an analyst said. The most eccentric addition to the race is the fifteen gunshots fired per each one-hour interval, serving as a tribute to the CA girls soccer program’s 0-15 goal deficit in the Chandler Bowl.

As of now, the fun runners include the entirety of the Pingree student body, though CA students and others are invited to participate. Boys Thirds and Varsity Volleyball, though currently hospitalized with back injuries, have pledged to at least donate to the race in hopes of sprucing up the rest of their school’s athletics for next year. “All in all,” writes a statement from Pingree, “this year, the Chandler bowl will be used not as a trophy with which to flaunt, but as a vehicle with which to feed the needy.” Thankfully, 50% of proceeds will fund “No Child Hungry” T-shirts to drive the message home.