My Dearest Pizza,
You are the greatest.
This sounds like the beginning of a badly written argumentative essay. One that is going to get a stern talking-to from your English teacher and (if you’re lucky) a 63 on the essay itself.
But our affection for your greatness cannot be captured solely with academic arguments, no matter how precise they may be. Rather, it is a craving so deeply embedded within our blood that it is—as some would argue—essential to the human experience. Your nigh-flawless taste balances out the acidic bite of the tomato sauce with the richness of the cheese above, all complemented perfectly by the slightly charred, crispy texture of your crust.
For thousands of years, our ancestors had been experimenting with innumerable recipes in search of your perfection. In Ancient Greece, Rome, and Mesopotamia, you first appeared to mortal eyes in the form of a simple flatbread, topped with herbs. But it was in Naples, at the turn of the 19th century, where you revealed your true self as a concoction of flatbread topped with red tomatoes and cheese.
Some 200 years later, you have conquered the world. Billions of you are sold each year, and hundreds of your minor slices are devoured each second. Indeed, you have even earned yourself a place in our pantheon of internationally recognized holidays, and we revel in your festivities each ninth day of February.
Your endless combination of possible toppings and styles is a homage to our love for you and our desire to see you flourish in all of your forms. Whether topped with salmon or pineapple, pepperoni or golden truffles, you forever dazzle our taste buds with a unique flair, leaving us yearning for more of your ethereal goodness.
I feel, even after writing this love letter, that all words are inadequate to embody the totality of your magnificence, that language itself falls short whilst describing your splendor. Alas, every letter must come to its end, no matter how born of passion it may be. So I shall end this piece with one last dedication to your majesty.
I fell in love with the pizza
Now I eat pizza everyday
“Pizza Girl,” the Jonas Brothers
Daniel Xu ’25